I'm sat in one of my local cocktail bars enjoy a white chocolate martini waiting to my ex fiancé to arrive.
Now seems the right time to delve into my not so distant past.
We got engaged almost 9 months ago and we brought a house 10months ago, however our problems started way before that.
We met online when it was actually about dating not dickin'. We lived an hour apart so that meant we would only see each other at weekends; which was only a Saturday evening and all day Sunday. Our first date was something to remember, meeting in London to wonder around Spitalfields Market, drinking prosecco, eating burgers on the curb of the road and me getting on my knees and offering him my mouth. In my eyes, it was THE perfect first date.
We spent 2 years alternating weekends at his or mine and it was all about the drinking, parting and mind blowing sex. I never knew sex could be like that. It was exciting and he made me cum like no one ever could.
We eventually moved in together and that's when the problems started. He drank because i was never around and he was alone and bored. My sex drive started to take a nose dive and the emotional abuse just added to it.
It eventually got better, but it was just a bandaid that was destined to fall off.
We moved into a newer, bigger flat and things were good for a while. My sex drive still hadn't made a reappearance and had i just tuned into myself, i would of found the answers that i have only just started to hear.
I couldn't fathom the idea of anything different and i just kept saying to myself "it's fine, it's fine, I'll give him one more chance" after each drink infused argument not even considering that i could just walk away. I was blinded, i was so in love with him.
I was desperate for him to propose to me and i remember being in tears just before going on our holiday of a life to Mexico because i wanted it so much. He wanted the house before the ring, and i wanted the ring before the house. Deep down, like really deep down i knew i wasn't ready for us to buy a house together because we had so many unsolved issues but i just pushed that gut feeling down and ignored it. What a silly girl i was.
We brought the house, and then he got on one knee all within a week. It was Fucking mental. Too much. We was in our perfect bubble on holiday, but once we got home he was right back in the stress of the house – drinking too much, getting stressed managing contractors and taking it out on me. I was trying to manage looking after my salon clients, myself and him all at the same time and eventually i called it a day.
We did the Ross and Rachel thing "we were on a break" then tried something new to fix us a couple of times but then i would threaten to move out.
We was all over the place.
So where does that leave us? He's living in London at his parents and I'm living in the house.
I am me again. Happy, single, stress free, hilarious and raging with the horn of a million suns.
So here is where my quest began. After speaking to a potential "Master", (see my previous post) i discovered i was wanting control; but someone elses control over to me. I crave it, a simple "good girl" creates the pull deep in me that instantly turns me on but urges me to please my Dom. Having never had a D/s relationship, i have lots to find out on this quest of mine.